Find another reason to be nice to your kids…

The first time I saw this lil’ bit o’terrorism was years ago in the admissions office of a nursing home. Yes, really. Ugh!

Inclined to consider meaning and motivation, my efforts to understand and somehow articulate the significance of this “message” in that setting made my head hurt then, as it does now.

But this is what I really want to share: For the most part, neither you nor your kids will “choose” your nursing home. Your nursing home will more likely be choosing you. Now I encourage you to continue to try to discover some reasonable motivation to be nice to your kids, but in this one regard, they mostly won’t get much of a say.

 “We cannot meet your needs” may be the admission director’s response to families with loved ones who have a history of “behavioral issues,” such as agitation, combativeness, or just peaceful exit seeking. Those with complex, major wounds and those with some forms of Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus Aureus (MRSA) or Vancomycin-Resistant Enterococci (VRE) have needs that some facilities are unable to adequately address. Ventilator or dialysis patients, those undergoing chemotherapy treatment for cancer, and even organ transplant, AIDs patients, and others needing expensive drugs may have difficulty finding placement.

 Another patient category having trouble finding placement? Surprise, surprise: those who are not in need of skilled care. Waiting lists for admission to intermediate/ long term residential care in the nursing home often either extend beyond most folks’ life expectancies or just don’t exist. Some Medicare Advantage Plans are also not accepted at some skilled care facilities.

Most folks think that when the time comes, they will just mosey on over to their chosen facilities and sign up. Think again. And tell your kids to behave on the tour! Rowdy family members can jinx an admission as well.

 So what to do? When care in the nursing home –either short or long term- is going to be necessary, your New Best Friend is your hospital discharge planner! Request an introduction as soon as possible after admission to the hospital when you know –or even suspect- that additional care will likely be needed at discharge. These folks really know the long term care “lay of the land” and are able to guide families in accessing the best available care. And remember, they too may hit many a dead end before finding the right placement. Breathe deeply.